I can’t breathe. I feel like someone has their hands wrapped around my neck and I am desperately trying to get them off. I can’t breathe. The only thing I feel is numb. This disappointment and discouragement is consuming me. It is welling up inside me like a geyser about to erupt… and I am terrified of the impact is will have on my heart and the hope I have been holding onto for so long.
Idiot, right? To believe this time would be different and that this month would be our chance. I feel like someone sucker punched me in the stomach. I wasn’t expecting that at all… I believed it would be our month, not that things were going to get worse. Oh again, satan is screaming over me that I am a failure and not enough. I want to scream, but who would listen… NO ONE!!! No one understands or feels like I am feeling.
This situation feels like a giant ocean that I am trying to ride out and make it to shore. I have been tossed from side to side…. emotions riding high… longing to find some normalcy in this sea of hope. This time the storm is raging much fierier than I ever imagined and my heart is beating out of my chest, just trying to keep my head above water. I can taste the bitter water in my mouth stronger today than ever and I am pretty sure that the bitter water is the makings for a slow death…
I need my life preserver! Jesus, I need you!